Chin beards are never good

Beginning last night, when I first saw Jayson Werth doing his best Johnny Damon impression, (courtesy of The Good Phight) I got into a conversation concerning baseball facial hair over gmail. Today, I present you with a few of my findings. My comments can be seen in the picture captions. And for the Mets addition here… Ollie made the cut as a Pirate.

A Werthless attempt at a soul patch

Jayson Werthless' new Forrest Gump beard

So the Werth transition from ugly soul patch to beard got me thinking… what was the last chin beard I absolutely despised?

Oh yeah! Scott Spiezio’s dyed red chin rodent! Here it is for your viewing displeasure.

As if I couldn't hate the Cardinals anymore in 2006, THIS atrocity just added fuel to the fire.

Here’s more Cardinal hate with Ryan Franklin’s attempt at superglueing a bird’s nest to his chin.

Ryan Franklin's got a nest of actual cardinals living in that chin.

The Ryan Franklin bird’s nest got me thinking of Jeff Bagwell’s steroid induced heavy metal guitarist look. Now there’s an ugly chin warmer.

Bagwell must have taped the end of a broom to his chin.

In the midst of all this I had to dwell on the superiority of the mustache in baseball. Nothing bad can be said about a ballplayer with a good mustache. Unlike the ugly chin beards that are common among today’s players, the mustache was a good period for baseball facial hair. Just ask Rollie Fingers.

The best mustache in baseball history. Quote me on that.

The Mets have their own mustachioed man in Keith Hernandez and his Just For Men hair color ads. Classic ‘stache.

"I'm Keith Hernandez."

I’ve saved the worst overall facial hair combo for last. Ollie Perez’s weird “sideburn-half mutton chop-connect to the mustache-chin beard on an island” look that he made famous while a Pittsburgh Pirate.

Ollie perfects the delivery on his terrible "beard"

This is not to say his facial hair has improved over the years, but it seems to have an inverse relation to his pitching talent. The more normal his facial is, the more meltdowns he has. Physical shape and Santana optimism aside… Ollie’s very pedestrian goatee may mean we’re in for a record number of Ollie meltdowns. I will not post a picture of Ollie’s current look for fear of adding to the already evident “Perez Shaving Jinx.”

Hopefully, we’ll see a mustache on David Wright by Opening Day. You know, in honor of Keith’ greatness. The guys at The Wright Stache have been waiting a few long years for that.

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